House Plans

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain."

Psalm 127:1a.

I love to draw.  

Ever since I can remember, from a very early age, I was drawing everything and anything.  Never one to enjoy coloring between the lines in a pre made coloring book, I was always drawn to a blank page.  

Around middle school age, I drew up a set of house plans. Since having a family of my very own, of my own blood, was my whole goal in life, I decided that a picture of my future house was in order.  So, I set to work on a house plan on paper to match the plan in my heart.  This dream house my family would live in was a white, two-story house with lots of windows, and a big front porch. My drawings included what the house looked like on the outside, but I also drew the inside floor plan. So much thought went into every little detail right down to the bay window in the kitchen with a built-in banquette around the round kitchen table.  I spent many hours working on these plans, and even made a cover sheet that read in large, capital letters, HOUSE PLANS.  

All through this adoption search and rescue I had plans, too.  I constructed in my mind a plan of how all this would go down.  As a Christ follower, I was growing, on the path He had placed me and allowed me to follow, but yet still barreling full speed ahead with my plans.  

I was building my own "house" using my own plans.  

I can trace it clearly now as I read back through my notes and journals.  Every step of this search is marked by words hidden in private writings.  From time to time, I have considered destroying the pages holding my guts, but the time has not come.  These writings shine a light on the one who thought she knew how all this would unfold. Never in a million years, could I have imagined how God would build this story.  He had plans.  While I had made all of this completely about me, He was building something so amazing. I'm so thankful that no matter what I do to mess things up, He is faithful.

When I ended writing my story, I had been given, finally, the summary of non-identifying information which was once lost then found.  Only Jesus knows exactly why those papers were hidden, but I know a couple of reasons.  

One reason they remained hidden was me.  

I did have to learn that just because I demand or deserve information, doesn't guarantee I am ready to hear it or need it at that moment.  God was training me to wait.  

When I want something, I don't really want to wait.  Our culture doesn't help this issue of impatience either as most things can be accomplished with a mere click.  In the waiting time, I learned for sure that Jesus is in charge and not me. 

It was HARD!  

Yielding to circumstances outside of my control did not come easy, and I fought it every step.  I wish I could say I learned how to be patient, got a gold star on my chart, and can model it for you if needed.  I can't say that much less type that with a straight face. I still struggle learning to wait.  The only difference now is that I know that I know that I know...Jesus is in charge.  

Second reason I needed to wait was there were others out there who didn't know I was coming.  I found out after the fact that some family members didn't know I existed yet, but were told during the time I was waiting.  

Some were making peace with the past.  

Some could even feel me coming.  

Stuff was happening people!!!  

Big, important, necessary stuff was going on and I didn't have a clue.  

Had I charged in months earlier, I would have been early.  My house plan would have failed because God was laying the foundation and it needed time to set. 

The next events in my timeline still amaze me.  

It took a bit of time to let the new details I'd learned in those papers from the state settle in, but my goal was still not complete.  I was facing a deadline. I had to decide whether to continue with my request in TN or I would lose my place in line.  I was at a standstill.  TN said they had no file on me, and now that a file was found in GA, that part was done.  The only part TN could provide was my birth certificate.  They would give me a copy of my birth certificate if I could give them the name of my birth mother since these documents were organized this way in their system. I didn't know any names.  

So, what to do?  

I kept calling, of course.  

One girl in the GA office got to know me so well that I no longer said my name when I called.  When I called her and she answered I just said, "Hey, it's me". I still have her name and number in my phone today.  Come to think of it, I need to call and see if she is still there.  She's probably missed me.  

Anyway, I kept calling and harassing, I mean questioning,GA and TN over and over looking for a loophole.  Somehow, some way, there had to be an answer.  I got pretty well versed in the rights of adoptees in both states.  As I kept up the conversations with my BFF in GA, I asked her one day "wouldn't you be able to tell me what is on my birth certificate if you had a copy in my sealed file?" 

Well, of course.  

And the only reason you don't have the birth certificate in your file is because somehow instead of getting destroyed it got filed in TN?  

True... 

So, couldn't you request that birth certificate in the interest of me, who needs to know everything on there that you can tell me???  

Well, yes.    Ah-ha!  LOOPHOLE!  

So, could you just put me on hold right now and call TN on the other line and have them send a jet to the gold dome and get that right now?  I will just wait patiently here on the other line.  Thank you.  

I bet my buddy was rolling her eyes all the way back in her head.  I would have.  Poor thing.  

Eye rolls aside, she did it.  She placed the call, made the request, and called me when it arrived.  

I told her that day as she read to me from my birth certificate that I had xray eyes and could see through the phone.  Yes, I did.  Say that.  Once I tried to trick her into saying the last name, and she almost did, but no dice.  She just laughed at me as she usually did because what else can you do with such a crazy gal as your BFF?  

On this day, I listened as she told me the city, hospital, and time that I was born.  For the first time in my life, I knew the time I was born.  In the middle of a hot summer night, I made my grand entrance into the planet.  Finally, I could say with certainty as a grown up, the time that I was born.  Every medical form I have filled out in my adult life has had blanks. Every time a doctor asked about my medical history I have had to say, "I don't know".  Finally the blanks were being filled.  Details like the time a person is born may seem like such a small thing, but to me it was everything.  

I wrote it down. 3:45a.m.  Three numbers in sequential order.  Middle of the night birth.  One step closer.  I could feel them getting closer, too.  

Around this time, I knew In needed to tell some immediate family members about my search.  So far I had not told them what I was doing.  I didn't want to hurt them by my actions.  Nothing would change who they were to me.  Nothing.  But, I was certain that there would be initial pain.  Honestly, I couldn't until this point deal with anyone else's emotions other than my own.  Mine were more than I could take some moments.  I was set on my course and had to see where this would go before letting them in to my secret search.  

My best friend since the day she was born, my sister, was the first to be told.  It wasn't a new topic between us, but she didn't know I was actually doing what I had said I would do for all these years.  She was as always my supporter and encourager.  She's helped me through life and we have a bond that goes beyond blood.  She was the one who directed me to the final chapter of my search.  

She had a friend who liked to do private investigator-ish type work for fun.  She introduced  me to Laura.  Instant friends, Laura took on my case as if it were her own.  She and I worked side by side from every angle we could come up with to get more information.  After 11 days, if I remember correctly, we were both exhausted.  We had tried everything we knew.  GA had done all they could.  TN insisted on a name.  In a last ditch effort, we faxed a birth certificate request to TN stating all that we knew.  When they denied my request, Laura and I got on a conference call with the records office.  It was like a messed up version of good cop, bad cop.  We took turns playing the bad cop role, but there was no good cop, only me playing a starring role as the crazy cop.  This role cast me as being the crying, somewhat wailing screamer who kept losing her grip and jumping back into bad cop mode.

  

For every person we talked to that didn't say, "why sure I will get that for you right away," I would end with...Who is your supervisor?  Put her on the phone.  This pattern repeated a few times.  We finally got the lady on the line that actually signed the birth certificates.  She said the same thing, we need to know a name.  That is how they are organized.  Yes, they are in a file by month and year and date, and yes someone could get up off their lazy tail and go look but that is not how it is done.  Something like that...  Okay, miss "I sign the birth certificates"...who is YOUR supervisor?  And while you are giving me phone numbers, I am going to need the Governor's number too.  Yes, that is correct.  I took down the number for the Governor.  When said my farewells to the birth certificate endorser, I said this.  "Listen closely to the sound of my voice because you will be hearing it every day until you give me what I want." 

The next office up the chain of command was the Health and Human Resources office.  While I didn't get the opportunity to tell my tale to Dr. Somebody, his secretary got an earful between Laura and me.  We laid out our case based on the laws between the states.  That birth certificate, that "accidentally" got filed in TN meant that the law was in my favor.  She was so nice to us and promised to talk with the Dr. at lunch and she'd call me back.  

Okay, right.  I did not expect to hear from her after lunch.  I was ready with my number to the Governor, but I didn't get my chance to call him, but  I am sure he is sad that he missed talking to me.  Not.  After lunch, the secretary did call back. Just like she said she would.  She and Dr. Somebody decided over lunch to see to it that what was rightly mine be delivered.  She had already contacted the birth certificate office. Somehow they'd found the strength to go look...and they found it.  This dear lady said she was overnighting it to me courtesy of the state.  No charge.  I wanted to jump through that phone and hug her so tight!!!  Tears and happy screams erupted as two women, who'd been strangers just a few weeks earlier, jumped and hugged all around the room.  

My birth certificate was on its way back to GA, and it was coming straight to my door.  

24 hours more...  

From that day in fall at Papa's graveside until this point in my story, 28 months had passed.  I live in the same house where I waited out those 24 hours. It's an old house, but it has a strong foundation.  I am writing this beside the door of that house. The house plans for this place were drawn out by the family that built it.  I know this because the sweet lady who lived here came by years after we bought it for a tour.  She wanted to see what we had done to the house she loved.  She knew every corner and nook.  She told me how the builder had argued with her over certain details, but she had insisted because she knew what her family needed in a house.  She drew the house plan to meet the needs of her family.  

You know that Jesus has a "house plan" for our lives.  While this dear woman didn't build this house, she made the plan.  On this brief span we have been given to live our one life, God already formed a plan for what our lives should be.  He designed it at the foundation of the world.  If we take His Plan and build a life, things will turn out solid.  There may be struggles along the way and you may not get the details the way you want, but in the end you will have everything you need.  He has it all worked out.

Just like my teenage house plans, it's our nature to plan.  He created us to dream and plan and build, but He never intended us to write the plans.   He already did that.  God has a better plan, the best plan, and if we let him, He will take our lives, our "houses" and do something incredible.  

Keep seeking His plan for your life in the only place you will find it...The Word of God.  And, while you're searching, don't spend more than a quick glance at the past.  That old house plan of my teenage past isn't part of my future.  God has done a new thing.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:18, 19 NIV) 

Under my bed, I kept a box with all the paper and documents I used in my search. The  covering of dust marks the years of stillness since finding my birth family. The funny thing I discovered is that in the short span of almost 8 years, the details of my search have become blurred.  Old age aside, there were a few things I hadn't forgotten, per se, I just didn't remember correctly.  I've been reading through them as I follow God's prompting to write.  One thing I see...  

Who I was then, praise God, I am not today.  

He has done a new work in my life.  

I can't use the old words or the old plans of yesterday.

When I was in driver's ed in high school, my teacher said something memorable to me while practicing with the driving simulator.  I remembered his words this morning as I drove to work.  I was changing lanes and glanced back over my shoulder to check for cars before I shifted lanes and The Lord reminded me of that day in high school.  

"Don't look back so long, Renee, just glance back.  If you take too long looking behind you, you won't see where you are going or what you are facing." 

I was safe while practicing with the driving simulator and was in no real danger as I kept looking back, but had I been driving a real vehicle this would have been a problem.  My teacher saw a bad habit in me and wanted to be sure I didn't do this on the road where it mattered.  

This life that we are here building matters.  

The lessons of the past are important, but don't turn around and set your gaze on them.  Look ahead.  Use what you learned and move forward.  We all have an individual, specific, detailed plan that God Almighty designed just for us.

Trust Him. 

He's the One Who built the universe in 7 days.  He built man.  He built woman.  He's been building babies ever since.  He gave Noah plans to build an ark, and Solomon plans to build the Temple.  God even sent His Son to be raised by a carpenter.  All through the pages of scripture He tells us of His plans. You can trust Him with your life.  Stop building castles on the sand and seek His Plan for You.  You will be in for the ride of your life, and He will get all the Glory.

That's been the Plan all along.

 

Begin

He's gone.

These two words spun over and over in my mind as I stood at his graveside.  Is he really gone?  The scene around me proved it was true, but losing a loved one takes a while to believe.  Yes, he was really gone.  My father-in-law was with Jesus and pain-free, and for that we were all thankful.  Even so, the reality of these two words kept echoing and striking my heart without relief.  They still do.

That was the exact moment my adoption reunion journey began.  Right there next to a beautiful country church surrounded by my husband's family,  I knew it was time to begin.  As my heart was breaking over losing our Papa and the end of his time here on earth, I imagined if that day had been my day.   What did I have left to do?  If I knew that my time was short, what would I do? Aside from all the many obvious things one would think of, a hidden dream rose up from down deep in my heart. It was the dream I'd carried with me since my beginning.  I would find my birth family.

It's a funny thing the labels you wear in your life. I've had my share.  One in particular has always made me laugh. In high school, I was voted "Most Likely To Succeed".  Now I do appreciate the kind sentiment of my fellow classmates, but I wonder if they really meant to say, "Most Stubborn & Determined".  That is a label that paints a clear picture of who I am and how I approach my goals.
This goal, this dream, may have been silently hibernating way back in the corner of my heart, keeping still, but it was still very much alive.  My determination to make it a reality was sealed. In fact, I told my mama about this dream one day when I was in elementary school. I was upset with her about something or other and took this fine opportunity to let her know that one day I was going to find my family. Oh, how that memory stings.  I didn't mean to hurt her, but I am sure I did.  She was so full of grace and mercy as the intensity of my words registered. She grew very quiet and said with kind words, "When that day comes, I will help you."

As a mother myself, those times of great turmoil in my children call me to draw upon The Lord for words of wisdom and breath.  God had His Hand on mama that day because little miss stubborn, who has never lacked for words, was saying something mighty important. Even though it was painful and awkward, somehow she knew it was a pivotal moment.  Mama's repsonse soothed me and allowed the dream in my heart to live and grow until the time was right to begin.

Several years ago, I heard on a Christian radio station about a New Year's Day challenge.  Being the beginning of a new year, the announcer was challenging the listeners to choose a word to focus on during the next year.  This word, he said, would be a matter to pray about.  He said that he himself had done this the year before and God had used it in a tremendous way.  I was intrigued.  Turns out it is a lot harder to do than it sounds.  Finally after much prayer, I found a word and have been doing it every year since.  Last year, my word was BEGIN.  As I struggled to begin writing my story, I could think of no better place to start than where this journey began.  Standing at Papa's grave where one journey had ended, another would begin.  

Life is inside a seed. Hidden deep down in the dark moist soil looking as if nothing is happening, a seed looks purposeless until changes occurs.  Then this tiny, unmoving object that from the outside looks incapable of being anything or doing anything moves.  Don't mistake stillness and silence for emptiness.  God has a process and an order for everything.  What looks like an empty shell holds life.  When this dream was planted in my heart, I didn't see any life to the seed for months. I didn't know then where to BEGIN, but the seed needed time to sit there for a bit.  It needed to settle in and wait on inner growth to happen.  

God taught me many lessons on patience during this journey.  I was not in the habit of being a good "wait-er".  I was a "hurry up lets get this thing done now-er".  God, however, never rushes.  He doesn't need to since He's God.  That time of waiting, when my journey had begun but I had not actually done anything, was a growth opportunity.  He was teaching me patience.  

When my kids were little, my afternoons were spent in a lawn chair parked in my driveway.  My friends across the street would join me, and we'd sit and chat and watch our little kiddies draw with chalk, ride their tricycles, splash in tiny plastic pools, and bounce balls.  Those were some really good days.  This one particular day, I was sitting outside with the kids by myself.  My neighbors were not home so I was on driveway patrol alone.  Out of the clear blue sky, the answer of where I would begin hit me.  All this time, nothing and suddenly an answer?  God is just so cool like that.  I would start back at the only beginning place I knew of: Department of Family and Children's Services.  I went inside and grabbed the phone book.  I am chuckling as I type the words "phone book" since hardly anyone uses those dinosaurs anymore.  Anyway, the phone book was the resource and in no time I had the phone number.  Great.  I picked up to call, but put the receiver back down because I was at a loss.  What would I say?  I have no information, but what I remember from that faded sheet of biological data.  I don't know where I was born, I have no names, and no leads.  I may as well been looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack.  

It is so like God to give you a dream and then give you space to really see that without Him, this thing, this dream, this vision, this plan does not have a chance.  Actually I felt quite silly that day as I placed the call.  I was convinced that the person on the other end of the line would either laugh uncontrollably at the impossibility of my request, or I'd get scolded and told never to call again.  I was sure that this was not going to amount to anything.  But, I called anyway.  I moved out of my comfort zone anyway.  That day, in that moment with all odds against me I had to begin anyway.  

If ever there were a reason to be kind to others, that moment proves how important kindness is.  The lady I spoke to had most likely taken hundreds of phone calls.  If memory serves, it was a Friday afternoon when  most working folks are ready to call it a day.  And yet, she was so very kind to me as I told her why I'd called.  

I wish I had a recording of that conversation so I could listen to myself try to form words that made sense.  I remember every part of that call except what I said.  So, I can only suppose it went something like this.  "Ummm...yes ma'am...ummmm I am calling because... ummm...I was adopted as a baby.  And I don't know if you can help me or if there is really anybody that can help me, but I need to find my birth family.  I realize my records are sealed and that this is probably impossible, but I need to try anyway. I had this one old piece of paper with biological data on it that I carried forever and now for some reason I can't find it.  And...ummm I need to get another copy of that please and anything else you can give me.  Can you help me?"

"Okay, sure", she said.

Ummm...wait, did she say "sure"???

 

She continued. 

Did I know the laws regarding adoptions in Georgia had changed?  Umm, no.  

Did I hear about the Adoption Reunion Registry? Again, no.  

Was I aware that for a few dollars I could request all that information on my lost old paper plus any other "non-identifying information" contained within my record?  Definitely not.

After filling me in on the details that apparently happened within the government regarding adoptees, which nobody bothered to let ME know about, my one step had opened a new door.  Moving through this door opened newer possibilities which I could have never imagined.  When I began to move, nothing visible from my perspective had changed except my location. New information took me to a new location in my search.  

Looking back now, had God revealed everything from the beginning, I would have been frozen by fear instead of moving by faith.  My Creator knows me and what is best for me.  While I felt at times like a solitary seed crushed by the deep dark earth above me, change was happening. The waiting had a purpose.  One movement designed by God to push that seed to sprout opened a new path in that still ground.  Never mistake stillness for death.  "Be still and KNOW that I am God." Psalm 46:10  God does mighty works inside of us when we are still.

I wonder if God has given you a dream or a goal or a command.  Is it something big that your mind reels at the thought?  Could it be something simple like saying you are sorry to someone who may not "deserve" an apology?  Are you struggling with taking a first step and saying that today you will begin to obey Him?  If you belong to Jesus, there is always something for us to begin.  Begin each day reading His Word.  Begin to forgive. Begin to love like He does.  Begin to listen.  Begin to be still. Begin to see strangers as God's children.  Begin to give.  Begin to move, and grow, and be who He has called you to be.  Begin today to do what He has told you to do.  Begin with Him and all the details will be taken care of by The Maker of the Details.  

The verses He gave me for 2013 changed my life.  Through these scriptures, The Lord continues teaching me how to begin every day, every relationship, every problem, or circumstance.  "Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Your Faithfulness.  I say to myself, 'The LORD is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him.  It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD."  Lamentations 3: 21-26

God has a fresh, full portion of His Grace and Mercy waiting on me every morning when I begin my day in Him.  He has it for you, too.  We just have to begin with Jesus.  

As my search began to have some real action, I see now that this visible, external movement was not the beginning.  In those months of waiting where I was not the best of example of v. 26 "wait quietly",  God was already moving on my behalf.  I know now that important things needed to happen in the lives of those waiting for me on the other side of rescue.  My arrival had a Divine delay.  While I paced and prayed and wondered and supposed when would this happen, He was working.  He taught me the meaning of Isaiah 30:15b., "In quietness and trust is your strength."  I wish I could be all "spiritual" and tell you that I was a model of quietness.  Ummm, no. I was the opposite.  He taught me anyway.  Thank you Jesus for your Great Love.  No matter where you are in your walk with Jesus, He is still moving on your behalf.  

Today, won't you take a few moments just to sit quietly with Him?  

Be the seed.  

Don't view the darkness hiding the answers you seek as a cloak blocking your sight, but a beautiful backdrop for God's Light to shine in your life.  Don't count the heavy earth weighing you down as a pit you have to dig your way out of, but as fertile soil feeding you and poising you for a hidden miracle.  And when the call comes to begin, move.  Don't fight against the stretching of growth and change as a burden, but allow God to take you where He has planned.  I promise you, He has worked out all the details.

Eyes of A Stranger

For the first 33 years of my life, I searched the eyes of every stranger I passed.

I was looking for myself. 

Hoping to see a glimpse of something that looked like me in the eyes of a stranger, I'd scan them for certain details.  Those in my path with brown hair and brown eyes caused me to look deeper and longer. Many folks fitting these criteria have endured my relentless, probing questions.  

I was searching for answers. The checklist running endlessly in my mind reflected words on a single sheet of faded paper.  These words were composed long ago on an old fashioned  typewriter.  With every stroke of the typewriter's keys, the hammer pounded out the biological details of my life. This paper was given to my adopted parents as a brief summary of my beginnings.  This child they had first seen in a hotel room 90 miles away from their home that became their daughter carried only this page as her introduction.  There was no other information about this baby except these words.  This paper held small glimpses of the ones who brought me into the world. Hair color, eye color, height, weight, and family tree were a few of the notes written about my birth parents.  It was an important part of who I was, and I carried that sheet with me all my life.  It was the only truth I knew about the beginning. I loved the family God gave me, but my heart desperately needed to know my birth family, too. 

I've always known I was adopted.  My parents told me the truth about the origins of my life from the very beginning.  My baby book is one designed for an adopted child, and for that I am thankful.  I'm grateful because I am a seeker of Truth.  I like to know the truth in all situations.  Jesus said "the truth will set you free".  John 8:32b.  My searching the eyes of strangers was my attempt to find truth about my life so that my heart could have freedom.  God was so gracious to me as I scratched and clawed my way through roadblock after roadblock looking for answers.  God knew that I needed to know.  He knew too that these answers would never set my heart free. Only in Jesus is there Truth and Freedom.  Yet, being the loving Father He is, God allowed me to go back down this road from where I began.  Little did I know that my search and rescue mission would be used by God in such a powerful way.  I thought  I was in charge of the searching, and my birth family needed to be rescued. 

Ah, yes... As usual, I was wrong.  

I imagine Jesus  in heaven watching me with a big ole smile knowing that this journey ahead of me was indeed a search and rescue mission.  But... The person who'd be searched and stretched and broken and mended at every point was me.  I was the one needing to be rescued.  Me.  

As I type these words I feel overwhelmed.  The time has come to begin to tell my story and the weight of it all feels impossible.  But I know that now is that time. The  Holy Spirit whispered into my heart a few months ago two words... "It's Time."   Only two words, but oh the power in these two simple words.  

This story of my life has been kept hidden in my heart for many years.  That sounds so secretive, but it isn't any secret. I tell anyone who wants to hear it. Many have heard my adoption reunion story, but words in the atmosphere tend to evaporate quickly and are easily forgotten. Several have even said, "You should write a book", and I agreed, but the daunting task of writing it all down seemed impossible.  Where would I start? Ten years ago the book that I would have written would've been all about me.  Time has taught me how little this story has to do with me.  It has everything to do with Jesus. He was just kind enough to allow me to have a small part. Now the time has come to put it down and speak it out and set it all free. 

Why now and why at all? 

Honestly, I am not really sure.  The only thing I am sure of is that He calls me to obey and so I type. 

Obedience means many times I do things afraid, and the idea of writing down these words scares me.  Every word coming out on this screen means my obedience has begun, and I know that I must hit the publish button and release my story even though I am shaking with fear.  Yet, I continue to type because I know obedience to Christ is far more important than my insecurities, and He did not give me a spirit of fear.  (2 Tim 5:7)

The name given to my search & rescue story, Eyes of a Stranger, came from a conversation with my birth father.  We spent hundreds of hours talking on the phone as we struggled to get to know each other. We were tied together by blood and genetics, but we were total strangers.  Where do you even start as you struggle to know someone that in some ways already knows you and yet doesn't know who you are at all?   I said to him during one of those awkward, exhilarating talks that I'd spent my whole life looking in the eyes of strangers trying to find myself. It was one of those lines that you hear yourself say and it's as if time slows.  The deeper meaning of the words said so innocently caused me to pause. The words caused a lull in our banter as he paused to soak them in, too.  The sound of him crying on the other end of the phone hit me hard. "I'm sorry", he said to me with a choked up voice. My eyes filled with tears too, not because of my hurt but his.  I did my best to reassure him that I am okay.  I have had a great life.  But there, in that moment,  the stranger I am desperate to know, the one who has eyes I recognize, is searching for his own answers.  Weeks later, he takes this line and writes a song, "Eyes of a Stranger".  

When my search began, I was focused on my own selfish need for answers about my birth. My heart had empty places that I was convinced would be filled once I knew the truth. At least that is what I thought. Little did I know that God would use every chapter of this story to search the depths of my soul and gently lead me to discover real Truth. My Jesus rescued me with The Truth of His Word. 

On this blog, inspired by my brave friend, Sandra, I will attempt to share my story.  (You should definitely check out her blog, All Things New..., http://sandrawilcher.blogspot.com.). It will be a beautiful mess, but that is a great way to describe my life. Jesus took the ashes of my life, my mess, my dreams, all of it, and made them into a beautiful story that brings Him Glory.  Isaiah 61:3 tells me that Jesus brings "...a crown of beauty instead of ashes."  

There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus ordered every step of this search and rescue mission. Things happened along the way that I thought would destroy me.  He used them to build my faith. At every turn in this broken road, He directed each one of my steps. Every moment of this journey was planned before the foundation of the world.  And God alone gets the credit for it all.  Prov 19:21 "Many are the plans in a person’s heart but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails."

 

My life was no mistake.  Your life is no mistake.  God has a plan and a purpose for you.  Jer 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born you were set apart."

No mistakes, thank You Jesus!  He counted every hair on my full head of black hair when he changed the course of my life and sent me to a new place.  Matt 10:30 "And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered."  I wasn't accidently formed, nor accidentally adopted.  It was God's Perfect Will for my life.  

He had a plan for me.  He has a plan for you, too.  What are you looking for?  Are you like me searching the eyes of strangers?  Are you looking for something to fill you and to satisfy the needs of your soul?  Friend, you will only find Truth in Jesus.  Take it from a girl saved since the age of 8 years old who had to journey back to her past to really meet her Saviour face to  face.  We can be saved.  We can be His, and yet not know Him intimately.  He wants us to have a real relationship with Him. Many times real relationships only develop through painful journeys, and  my story  holds plenty.

The words of my song, "Eyes of a Stranger", were written by my birth father. Inspired and changed by that one powerful line from our conversation, he took my words and poured out his heart through lyrics of a song.  It was my birthday gift and he sang it to me in a private concert between two hearts.   Sitting on a red barstool in his kitchen a few days before my 33rd birthday, he strummed his guitar and with a deep, raspy voice he sang the words to this song.  Reading them now I am truly overcome by message within these words.  His intention on that day was to say how much he loved me in the way his heart clearly spoke...through music.  When the chords began to echo off the kitchen walls, the floodgates of my heart broke loose and I began to cry.  Boy, did I cry. Buckets of tears fell on the  floor beneath my bowed head. I was undone with every note and every word of the song. The puddles of tears on that old linoleum floor reflected the emotional tsunami streaming from my eyes.  I will never forget that moment. As I read those lyrics again today, that memory is still just as real, but now I see there is so much more in the words of my song.  Ten years later, I can clearly see the love of Jesus Christ woven through every line.  I want to share the song with you, and I know my birthfather would approve.  He loved an audience. :) 

Eyes of A Stranger

 

 

               There was a little girl brought up in a world,

Of people who’d rearrange her.

But all of her life, she’d search for the light,

In the eyes of a stranger.

 

She did what she could to be what she should,

For all of those around her.

Still through her life,

She searched for the light,

The light that never found her.

 

She’d say. “look at me”.

Tell me what do you see.

Tell me could it be you

Then she’d walk away with nothing to say

Looking for her own truth.

 

She was a daughter, and she was a sister

And one day she was a wife.

And though she was older, over her shoulder

She still looked for that light.

 

She wore a name without any blame

A name that gave a good start.

But somehow she knew it just wasn’t true

It did not fill up her heart.

 

She packed up her fears and swallowed her tears

And said there must be an end.

She got some old papers back from the state

That showed her where to begin.

 

One Saturday morning she got a call

Says we have a stranger on the line,

And then she wondered, could it be true

After all this time.

 

They fumbled through words to overcome

Years of mystery

And it was plain the little girl and the stranger

They were meant to be.

 

Now she has years of laughter and tears

With a heart no longer in danger

Because now she knows if she needs love to show

She can see it in the eyes of a stranger.

As you read the lyrics, I hope you could hear the message beyond my story.  My story isn't

the important part.  We all have a story.  The important part is God's Hand wrote each chapter of my life as He waited patiently for me to see Freedom in His Eyes. Because of this journey, Jesus is no longer a stranger. My Freedom did not come from my past.  It came through Him alone.  It was His Light that led me through dark times.  It was the Truth of His Word that sustained me.  My relationship with my Heavenly Father is the most valuable relationship I have.  I am so humbled and grateful He allowed me to know my birth family. They are a beautiful part of my life, and I love them all.  I am so thankful God gave me to the forever family that I've known all my life.  They are the family that adopted me and made me their own, loved me, gave me a good name, and they are the ones who introduced me to Jesus.  I have loved them all my life. I was a stranger and they took me in. 

What about you?  

Do you know Jesus?

 If Jesus is a stranger to you, let me introduce Him. He is the Light of the world, He is the only Truth, His Name is the Name above all Names, and He is the Father to the fatherles.  He will not only rescue you, but on the cross He ransomed your very soul.  Give him your heart. He will take your story, ashes and all, and give you beauty because just like me, He has big plans for your life. 

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares The Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."